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My name is Felicia and my best friends mean the world to me.




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Wednesday, November 12, 2008
fever- only cause it's stuck in my head

I sat here watching my computer screen blankly taunt me. It tormented me like no one else could. How can I convey my feeling into a blog? Maniplulate words into how I'm feeling? The truth is, I can't. 

I've been laying here, since maybe 2AM, not sure when exactly,waiting for sleep to overcoming me and lull me to sleep. But I can't seem to find sleep at 5AM. 

I can't help but close my eyes imagining that there were warm arms to hold me. The feeling of someone's breath on the back of my neck, and for once I didn't feel threatened or the need to explain myself. I just felt wanted.  

I can't help but imagine that I would turn over and my eyes would meet his. In those eyes everything would calm down and I would know everything would be alright. Any fear or worry I had would be a thing of the past, or would just be forgotten for a few moments.

I wanted him, more than I should. Too bad I don't know who him is, or when or if I'll ever meet him. 



My nose hurts, alot. Probably from all the sniffling and sneezing I've been doing. I could feel my skin chapping there and it hurts alot. My voice sounds strained and nasally. I'm not sure if it's just the tricks the weather's playing with my immune system or if I'm really sick. 

Today, well yesterday actually, was any OTHER day. I had school, but didn't go,  for the fear of looking at my test. I didn't want to see it. At all. Then I had work. Work was fine. Kayla told me she didn't have any cash transactions, so I used that register. I came home and got myself something to eat. Then around 10:30 Danielle calls my house along with Melissa. Two of my managers at work. $43 in cash came up missing from the register. The register I had used. I'm pretty sure Megan used it too, but I don't know.  I know I didn't take it, because one, I wouldn't do that and two, I didn't have any cash transactions at all. So I never opened the drawer.

I can't help but be scared shitless that I don't have a job anymore. Danielle said I wasn't in trouble, they just needed to find the money. She also said that they could pull up all my transactions to see if I was lying. I know I'm not lying. I honestly don't remember having any cash transactions. I remember credit, debit, and check. But thats it.  So hopefully they figure this out. 

I know I shouldn't rely on guys to make me feel better. But if I had someone to hold me, maybe I could fall asleep.  And maybe if I had some cough syrup, preferably Night time that had something to make me sleepy would help. Not much.... but still.