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My name is Felicia and my best friends mean the world to me.




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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

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Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Closed my eyes. Took a deep breath. I was just...free. I feel free. Nothing is weighing me down. I feel..... happier..

I know I feel happier. I know everything is going to be okay.

I haven't been there that much for Samantha in 2008, or much this year. As much as I WANTED to be there, some how I felt detached. I wanted to tell her everything, but I just couldn't.

She's my best friend, and I love her. But I just COULDN'T talk to her. Something was keeping me from her. And it was breaking my heart. I was going through something that I didn't know I was going through.

I don't know if I'm still going through it, but I'm getting through it. I know this, cause for the first time in a long time I thought "OH MY GOSH! I HAVE TO TELL SAM!" and it was just "I love my job soo much." I just wanted to like hug her and talk to her and everything.

I wanted to draw kangraroos and write notes to her and then scan them like we used to. I wanted to do all this stuff that i knew would make her smile, but would also make me smile.

I know this doesn't make sense, but at the same time.. I don't care. I'm SOOO happy, and I don't know how I got THIS happy.

I just can't stop smiling. I hope I'll have more days like this.

I know mine and Sam's friendship isn't perfect, long ways from being perfect. But i love her and she loves me and she puts up with my bullshit.

I don't like making her sad, and I know I hurt her alot... but I reallllyyy want to change that. I HATE hurting her. I really do.. so I am going to write her a note.....every day. Maybe some days it'll just be "Ily and miss you" but still...

Or I might start a journal.... and then when i've finished it.... mail her it....