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Bituwin -
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Dementee -
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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.
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Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Sad Tears.
Indescribable. Unnerving. Depressing. Have you ever felt so unwanted in your life, that you just spend days and days wanting to cry? My heart feels "fine" and nothing is exactly "wrong" but i just want to cry. I want to feel wanted or needed.
I cannot think of one good thing about myself.
I rely too much on what others think.
I'm not "tender hearted"
I'm not one of the nicest people you'll ever meet.
I'm stubborn.
Pigheaded.
Self-conscious.
Unreliable.
Lazy.
Unproductive.
Stupid.
Uneducated.
Un-God like.
Human.
Forgettable.
Unnecessary.
Mean.
Rude.
Bitchy
Horrible
Ugly
I bet there are 1,000 words that I am. But I cannot think of all of them.
Sometimes I will go to my medicine cabinet and pull out vicadin and think "What if I take 3x the prescribed amount? What if I overdose? Would anyone care?" And everytime I don't. Not cause I value my life too much to, but because I think "my parents can't afford a funeral and it's a waste of funeral space." How messed up is that? I'll be driving over a bridge and think "Who would care if I ran my car over the side?" No one.
I've talked to some people about this, and everytime they say "I care. I would be there." And it helps a little bit. But then I realize. They have to say that. If they didn't, they'd look like assholes. So in all reality. Who would be there?
No wonder no one will ever be with me. I'm too depressing. I try being happy on the outside, but on the inside I'm as ugly as they come.
I cannot think of one good thing about myself.
I rely too much on what others think.
I'm not "tender hearted"
I'm not one of the nicest people you'll ever meet.
I'm stubborn.
Pigheaded.
Self-conscious.
Unreliable.
Lazy.
Unproductive.
Stupid.
Uneducated.
Un-God like.
Human.
Forgettable.
Unnecessary.
Mean.
Rude.
Bitchy
Horrible
Ugly
I bet there are 1,000 words that I am. But I cannot think of all of them.
Sometimes I will go to my medicine cabinet and pull out vicadin and think "What if I take 3x the prescribed amount? What if I overdose? Would anyone care?" And everytime I don't. Not cause I value my life too much to, but because I think "my parents can't afford a funeral and it's a waste of funeral space." How messed up is that? I'll be driving over a bridge and think "Who would care if I ran my car over the side?" No one.
I've talked to some people about this, and everytime they say "I care. I would be there." And it helps a little bit. But then I realize. They have to say that. If they didn't, they'd look like assholes. So in all reality. Who would be there?
No wonder no one will ever be with me. I'm too depressing. I try being happy on the outside, but on the inside I'm as ugly as they come.