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Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday:
So like, my mom woke me up...well I was already awake. But still! She was like "You need to call in for your call in." And then she went downstairs. As she was going downstairs, she apparentally slipped, or missed a step. She severely sprained her left ankle.
Well, they THINK its a fracture, but they can't tell because of all the swelling. But yeah she's on crutches... if she actually knew HOW to use them. Instead she's wheeling herself around on the rolling computer chair. It's pretty sweet...
I won a sweater and a hoodie. I was happy.
Sunday:
My dad took in my mom's computer to Best Buy to fix it. The hard drive crashed...
I went to work.. it was okay.
I woke up to snow on the ground. Not sure how much. But it was a blanket. =] . It was the packing kind.
There are two different types of snow. You have the packing kind that makes it easier to make snowmen and snow balls. Things like that. It's great for kids. When you step in it, or walk, you hear the CRUNGH CRUNGH! of the snow.
Then you have the soft powdery kind. That kind isn't too cold. But it's best for sledding, skiing, or snowboarding. If you try packing it, or making a snowman, it won't work. It just kind of falls apart. This snow is what most people think of when they think of snow. It's white and powdery.
I'm watching the "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2". Which reminds me of Sam. I could barely keep my eyes open during that movie when I went to see it. I think I even missed a few scenes because I dozed off or something.
I have to write a 15 page paper, make up a 30 minute presentation on Photoshop and write a 100 Question Survey for Sam....
Does anyone know if Jason Mraz sings any christmas songs??
I hate this layout. I'm going to change it soon. It'll be impossible to like you know.... "follow me". Just comment me if you ever want to "follow me" and I'll change my layout for a few days to give you a chance.
So like, my mom woke me up...well I was already awake. But still! She was like "You need to call in for your call in." And then she went downstairs. As she was going downstairs, she apparentally slipped, or missed a step. She severely sprained her left ankle.
Well, they THINK its a fracture, but they can't tell because of all the swelling. But yeah she's on crutches... if she actually knew HOW to use them. Instead she's wheeling herself around on the rolling computer chair. It's pretty sweet...
I won a sweater and a hoodie. I was happy.
Sunday:
My dad took in my mom's computer to Best Buy to fix it. The hard drive crashed...
I went to work.. it was okay.
I woke up to snow on the ground. Not sure how much. But it was a blanket. =] . It was the packing kind.
There are two different types of snow. You have the packing kind that makes it easier to make snowmen and snow balls. Things like that. It's great for kids. When you step in it, or walk, you hear the CRUNGH CRUNGH! of the snow.
Then you have the soft powdery kind. That kind isn't too cold. But it's best for sledding, skiing, or snowboarding. If you try packing it, or making a snowman, it won't work. It just kind of falls apart. This snow is what most people think of when they think of snow. It's white and powdery.
I'm watching the "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2". Which reminds me of Sam. I could barely keep my eyes open during that movie when I went to see it. I think I even missed a few scenes because I dozed off or something.
I have to write a 15 page paper, make up a 30 minute presentation on Photoshop and write a 100 Question Survey for Sam....
Does anyone know if Jason Mraz sings any christmas songs??
I hate this layout. I'm going to change it soon. It'll be impossible to like you know.... "follow me". Just comment me if you ever want to "follow me" and I'll change my layout for a few days to give you a chance.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Grow the hell up
URGH!
I'm SICK AND TIRED OF IT! IF YOU WANT TO BE A WHINEY BABY ABOUT HOW YOUR LIFE IS SO HARD THEN GROW THE FUCK UP! NO ONE IS MAKING YOU STAY HERE! MOM DIDN'T MAKE YOU GET A TICKET, YOU GOT IT YOURSELF YOU FUCKING RETARD!
IF YOU HAD YOUR WAY YOU'D NEVER COME HOME. GREAT! THEN DON'T! FUCKING MOVE OUT ALREADY! IF IT'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY THAT WAY THEN JUST GET THE FUCK OUT! I BET YOU YOUR SORRY ASS THAT YOU ARE JUST A FUCKING PRICK WHO THINKS JUST BECAUSE HE HAS A CAR THAT HE CAN DO WHAT EVER THE FUCK HE WANTS! GUESS WHAT! YOU CAN'T! YOU STILL HAVE TO FOLLOW SOME FUCKING RULES!
AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M A PRUDE! SOCIETY DOESN'T ACCEPT A 20 YEAR OLD MALE TO STAY AT A 16 YEAR OLD GIRL'S HOUSE WITH 2 OTHER 16 YEAR OLD GIRLS HOUSE WITHOUT PARENTS....ALONE! ESPECIALLY ALL NIGHT! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'VE FALLEN ASLEEP. SHE SHOULD HAVE WOKEN YOUR FUCKING ASS UP AND BOOTED YOU OUT!
YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS SO HARD. I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW EASY YOUR LIFE IS.
If you want to know what happened here's the story.
So it turns about 1:30... Aaron is still not home. My mom gets a phone call or calls aaron, which ever. My mom was like "its almost 2am.. you need to get home. You SAID you'd be home early." and aaron said that he fell asleep at Chelsea's house.
My mom told him she wanted him home BY 3AM.. not 4AM or 9 or 10AM. THREE AM!
Aaron comes home throws a piece of paper at me and says "Because mom was in such a rush for me to get home I got a ticket"
he got home at 3AM..
He talked to my mom around 1:45 AM..
A RUSH??? an hour and fifteen minutes?
And Chelsea lives about 20 minutes away?
He still had 55 minutes...
And then my mom comes out and was like "i thought you said you were coming home early" and he was like "yeah. i did. I came home before church on Sunday."
THAT'S NOT EARLY..
and then he said "if i had my way I'd never come home." then pack up your shit and move out you lil' fucker.
i don't mind living at home. I don't have to pay rent, or pay for my food. I don't have to worry about anything but how am i going to pay my own bills and gas for the car and insurance. I worry about school and work. that's it.
Yes, I have it REALLY nice. I'm lucky, i know that. and he is too..
He doesn't even have a fucking job.
and i yell at him "what the fuck gives you the right to do whatever the fuck you want?"
and he replies with "I bought my own car."
Yeah... with the STATE'S MONEY. How are you going to pay insurance, or pay for gas?
You can't. And then you want to buy yourself a 100$ JUMP DRIVE?
He left thanksgiving dinner earlier because he rather be with his friends.
Right now I could care less about him.. this shit has been going on way too long. He is good as dead to me. And I don't give a shit about him anymore. I know that's harsh to say, but right now it's true. He can fucking move out. He can disappear from me. I don't care. I'm tired of him getting away with shit just because he can do it.
He says our parents are horrible sucky parents.... if they are so bad, then why would I be what I am today.
He needs a reality check.. If he dies, I'll laugh. IDC how harsh that sounds. I'm pissed.. I'll probably take it back.... but for now, he could die and i'd just say he deserved it.
All i want for my birthday is to NOT see aaron... AT all. Just a glimpse of him would ruin my day..
I don't know if anyone could tell but I'm more pissed off than I have ever been before. I swear i can see red.
I love you all alot. If i snap today (sat) or sun its not you. I'm just pissed at aaron.
I'm SICK AND TIRED OF IT! IF YOU WANT TO BE A WHINEY BABY ABOUT HOW YOUR LIFE IS SO HARD THEN GROW THE FUCK UP! NO ONE IS MAKING YOU STAY HERE! MOM DIDN'T MAKE YOU GET A TICKET, YOU GOT IT YOURSELF YOU FUCKING RETARD!
IF YOU HAD YOUR WAY YOU'D NEVER COME HOME. GREAT! THEN DON'T! FUCKING MOVE OUT ALREADY! IF IT'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY THAT WAY THEN JUST GET THE FUCK OUT! I BET YOU YOUR SORRY ASS THAT YOU ARE JUST A FUCKING PRICK WHO THINKS JUST BECAUSE HE HAS A CAR THAT HE CAN DO WHAT EVER THE FUCK HE WANTS! GUESS WHAT! YOU CAN'T! YOU STILL HAVE TO FOLLOW SOME FUCKING RULES!
AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M A PRUDE! SOCIETY DOESN'T ACCEPT A 20 YEAR OLD MALE TO STAY AT A 16 YEAR OLD GIRL'S HOUSE WITH 2 OTHER 16 YEAR OLD GIRLS HOUSE WITHOUT PARENTS....ALONE! ESPECIALLY ALL NIGHT! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'VE FALLEN ASLEEP. SHE SHOULD HAVE WOKEN YOUR FUCKING ASS UP AND BOOTED YOU OUT!
YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS SO HARD. I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW EASY YOUR LIFE IS.
If you want to know what happened here's the story.
So it turns about 1:30... Aaron is still not home. My mom gets a phone call or calls aaron, which ever. My mom was like "its almost 2am.. you need to get home. You SAID you'd be home early." and aaron said that he fell asleep at Chelsea's house.
My mom told him she wanted him home BY 3AM.. not 4AM or 9 or 10AM. THREE AM!
Aaron comes home throws a piece of paper at me and says "Because mom was in such a rush for me to get home I got a ticket"
he got home at 3AM..
He talked to my mom around 1:45 AM..
A RUSH??? an hour and fifteen minutes?
And Chelsea lives about 20 minutes away?
He still had 55 minutes...
And then my mom comes out and was like "i thought you said you were coming home early" and he was like "yeah. i did. I came home before church on Sunday."
THAT'S NOT EARLY..
and then he said "if i had my way I'd never come home." then pack up your shit and move out you lil' fucker.
i don't mind living at home. I don't have to pay rent, or pay for my food. I don't have to worry about anything but how am i going to pay my own bills and gas for the car and insurance. I worry about school and work. that's it.
Yes, I have it REALLY nice. I'm lucky, i know that. and he is too..
He doesn't even have a fucking job.
and i yell at him "what the fuck gives you the right to do whatever the fuck you want?"
and he replies with "I bought my own car."
Yeah... with the STATE'S MONEY. How are you going to pay insurance, or pay for gas?
You can't. And then you want to buy yourself a 100$ JUMP DRIVE?
He left thanksgiving dinner earlier because he rather be with his friends.
Right now I could care less about him.. this shit has been going on way too long. He is good as dead to me. And I don't give a shit about him anymore. I know that's harsh to say, but right now it's true. He can fucking move out. He can disappear from me. I don't care. I'm tired of him getting away with shit just because he can do it.
He says our parents are horrible sucky parents.... if they are so bad, then why would I be what I am today.
He needs a reality check.. If he dies, I'll laugh. IDC how harsh that sounds. I'm pissed.. I'll probably take it back.... but for now, he could die and i'd just say he deserved it.
All i want for my birthday is to NOT see aaron... AT all. Just a glimpse of him would ruin my day..
I don't know if anyone could tell but I'm more pissed off than I have ever been before. I swear i can see red.
I love you all alot. If i snap today (sat) or sun its not you. I'm just pissed at aaron.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Thanksgiving
I know this is the time of year where I'm supposed to realize all of the good things in my life and be thankful for that. But sometimes it's really hard to be thankful for things.
I don't know if anyone has noticed this or anything, but I've a very reserved person. I only let out a fraction of what's going on in my life. Yes, usually there's nothing of interest to me. Or things I don't think people should know about me.
School right now is okay. Most of my classes I understand. I don't understand accounting at all. I actually really enjoy my teacher. She's actually really really nice, but I just don't understand accounting. At all. I've tried. Really I have. And help isn't working. So I'm retaking it again next semester, with the same teacher.
My family is.... normal. Well not normal for other families, but normal for me. My entire family has anger management problems. My mom goes off on the littlest things and starts crying about it when she doesn't get her way. My dad argues with her and tells her to "shut the fuck up." I remember when I was younger I wish they'd get a divorce. I hated coming home, or being home.
The fighting stopped after awhile, but it's back again. My mom dropped her laptop and lost her entire paper for a class she's taking for her job. And then she yells at me for it. "I spent four hours on that stupid thing!" and I ask her "Why are you yelling at me?" and she always replies with "Because you could care less that I have to redo papers over and over and over. You don't do a cotton-picking thing ever!"
Then with that she goes "You can wake up every morning at 6AM and feed the animals!" I'm like every morning when I wake up I take them out and feed them. While she continues to yell at me. She yells at me all the time, and I just take it. I just sit here and just stay quiet. And then I go to work, and they yell at me. "Why aren't your numbers higher? Are you talking to people over there? Felicia I know you, you can do better than this." And then sometimes I'll come home with everyone else yelling at me and I'll get online and other people yell at me. Or sometimes it just feels like they are.
I would open up to people and tell them everything, but I don't want to seem weak or like a baby. Yes I know I'm going to deal with bitchy customers, and I know my managers are going to be asses at times. I really do deal with it. I take everything into stride and just bottle it up.
Sometimes what I want is just someone I can be like "this is what happened to me today.....again." and not worry whether they are going to yell at me and tell me to grow up. I don't want advice on how to deal with people yelling at me. Yes I get upset people are yelling at me, but I deal with it very well. When my managers yell at me I am just thinking "They just want my numbers to be better. They know I'm capable of better sales." Sometimes I'm thinking "No one wants to buy anything! I'm REALLY trying."
When my parents yell at me, for the most part, I don't yell back. I just kind of roll my eyes internally and just let them rant and rave all they want. I also pet my dog cause he calms me down alot.
Fighting with my parents doesn't hurt me at all. I don't know why, but it doesn't.
But when I fight with a friend, and like a really really close friend, you can bet I'll be thinking about it until they aren't mad at me anymore and then some. It hurts me sooooo much to fight with a friend.
I'm pretty stubborn, but only when it comes to certain things.
Okay, so now onto my weekend.
Friday
Went and saw Twilight with Aaron and Chelsea. Aaron decided at 12PM that day he was going to go buy himself a car with his student refund check. I was like.. "umm.. not today cause the movie starts at 6:20." but of course... he and my dad drug me all over Fort Wayne to look at cars. I was NOT happy. Then we get home and get some money to go eat. We went and picked up chelsea and me trying to be nice talked to her the entire night..
Which pissed off aaron. and he went insane.
I don't know if anyone has noticed this or anything, but I've a very reserved person. I only let out a fraction of what's going on in my life. Yes, usually there's nothing of interest to me. Or things I don't think people should know about me.
School right now is okay. Most of my classes I understand. I don't understand accounting at all. I actually really enjoy my teacher. She's actually really really nice, but I just don't understand accounting. At all. I've tried. Really I have. And help isn't working. So I'm retaking it again next semester, with the same teacher.
My family is.... normal. Well not normal for other families, but normal for me. My entire family has anger management problems. My mom goes off on the littlest things and starts crying about it when she doesn't get her way. My dad argues with her and tells her to "shut the fuck up." I remember when I was younger I wish they'd get a divorce. I hated coming home, or being home.
The fighting stopped after awhile, but it's back again. My mom dropped her laptop and lost her entire paper for a class she's taking for her job. And then she yells at me for it. "I spent four hours on that stupid thing!" and I ask her "Why are you yelling at me?" and she always replies with "Because you could care less that I have to redo papers over and over and over. You don't do a cotton-picking thing ever!"
Then with that she goes "You can wake up every morning at 6AM and feed the animals!" I'm like every morning when I wake up I take them out and feed them. While she continues to yell at me. She yells at me all the time, and I just take it. I just sit here and just stay quiet. And then I go to work, and they yell at me. "Why aren't your numbers higher? Are you talking to people over there? Felicia I know you, you can do better than this." And then sometimes I'll come home with everyone else yelling at me and I'll get online and other people yell at me. Or sometimes it just feels like they are.
I would open up to people and tell them everything, but I don't want to seem weak or like a baby. Yes I know I'm going to deal with bitchy customers, and I know my managers are going to be asses at times. I really do deal with it. I take everything into stride and just bottle it up.
Sometimes what I want is just someone I can be like "this is what happened to me today.....again." and not worry whether they are going to yell at me and tell me to grow up. I don't want advice on how to deal with people yelling at me. Yes I get upset people are yelling at me, but I deal with it very well. When my managers yell at me I am just thinking "They just want my numbers to be better. They know I'm capable of better sales." Sometimes I'm thinking "No one wants to buy anything! I'm REALLY trying."
When my parents yell at me, for the most part, I don't yell back. I just kind of roll my eyes internally and just let them rant and rave all they want. I also pet my dog cause he calms me down alot.
Fighting with my parents doesn't hurt me at all. I don't know why, but it doesn't.
But when I fight with a friend, and like a really really close friend, you can bet I'll be thinking about it until they aren't mad at me anymore and then some. It hurts me sooooo much to fight with a friend.
I'm pretty stubborn, but only when it comes to certain things.
Okay, so now onto my weekend.
Friday
Went and saw Twilight with Aaron and Chelsea. Aaron decided at 12PM that day he was going to go buy himself a car with his student refund check. I was like.. "umm.. not today cause the movie starts at 6:20." but of course... he and my dad drug me all over Fort Wayne to look at cars. I was NOT happy. Then we get home and get some money to go eat. We went and picked up chelsea and me trying to be nice talked to her the entire night..
Which pissed off aaron. and he went insane.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I need a huge hug right now....
Not that anyone cares... Probably no one does.
Not that anyone cares... Probably no one does.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
It's Over
Saturday, November 15, 2008
what is in a name?
What is in a name? Does your name reflect who you ARE as a person?
Felicia means happiness. And it's true. I'm always happy! Which is a good thing if you think about it. Right?
But that's not why I'm talking about names. Has anyone written out their name and it just DOES NOT look right? And you look at it over and over and over again... and it's SPELLED correctly, it just looks funny.
That is what happened to me today. I was like... "Um......" "F. E. L. I. C. I. A." and I thought "how weird."
For some reason my name struck me has an odd way of spelling it. It reminded me of "Celia." or something. I don't know why.
So I was bored and I was looking at pictures of people and noticed the people who has really big eyes have really dark make up on. So I was like "I still have my guard make up that I haven't used in a long time." Well, just the black eye shadow. So I did my make up. I took several pictures too......
I'm going to PS this one in a bit to do something to it. Not sure WHAT yet... but I like it... You can't tell but I have black eyeshadow on...
Felicia means happiness. And it's true. I'm always happy! Which is a good thing if you think about it. Right?
But that's not why I'm talking about names. Has anyone written out their name and it just DOES NOT look right? And you look at it over and over and over again... and it's SPELLED correctly, it just looks funny.
That is what happened to me today. I was like... "Um......" "F. E. L. I. C. I. A." and I thought "how weird."
For some reason my name struck me has an odd way of spelling it. It reminded me of "Celia." or something. I don't know why.
So I was bored and I was looking at pictures of people and noticed the people who has really big eyes have really dark make up on. So I was like "I still have my guard make up that I haven't used in a long time." Well, just the black eye shadow. So I did my make up. I took several pictures too......
I'm going to PS this one in a bit to do something to it. Not sure WHAT yet... but I like it... You can't tell but I have black eyeshadow on...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
fever- only cause it's stuck in my head
I sat here watching my computer screen blankly taunt me. It tormented me like no one else could. How can I convey my feeling into a blog? Maniplulate words into how I'm feeling? The truth is, I can't.
I've been laying here, since maybe 2AM, not sure when exactly,waiting for sleep to overcoming me and lull me to sleep. But I can't seem to find sleep at 5AM.
I can't help but close my eyes imagining that there were warm arms to hold me. The feeling of someone's breath on the back of my neck, and for once I didn't feel threatened or the need to explain myself. I just felt wanted.
I can't help but imagine that I would turn over and my eyes would meet his. In those eyes everything would calm down and I would know everything would be alright. Any fear or worry I had would be a thing of the past, or would just be forgotten for a few moments.
I wanted him, more than I should. Too bad I don't know who him is, or when or if I'll ever meet him.
My nose hurts, alot. Probably from all the sniffling and sneezing I've been doing. I could feel my skin chapping there and it hurts alot. My voice sounds strained and nasally. I'm not sure if it's just the tricks the weather's playing with my immune system or if I'm really sick.
Today, well yesterday actually, was any OTHER day. I had school, but didn't go, for the fear of looking at my test. I didn't want to see it. At all. Then I had work. Work was fine. Kayla told me she didn't have any cash transactions, so I used that register. I came home and got myself something to eat. Then around 10:30 Danielle calls my house along with Melissa. Two of my managers at work. $43 in cash came up missing from the register. The register I had used. I'm pretty sure Megan used it too, but I don't know. I know I didn't take it, because one, I wouldn't do that and two, I didn't have any cash transactions at all. So I never opened the drawer.
I can't help but be scared shitless that I don't have a job anymore. Danielle said I wasn't in trouble, they just needed to find the money. She also said that they could pull up all my transactions to see if I was lying. I know I'm not lying. I honestly don't remember having any cash transactions. I remember credit, debit, and check. But thats it. So hopefully they figure this out.
I know I shouldn't rely on guys to make me feel better. But if I had someone to hold me, maybe I could fall asleep. And maybe if I had some cough syrup, preferably Night time that had something to make me sleepy would help. Not much.... but still.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Lose-Lose
"Go to sleep I am" - Sam
yup.... still sounds like yoda.
Test. Yuck.
yup.... still sounds like yoda.
Test. Yuck.